13 things foreigners do that make Germans really uncomfortable
From saying sorry all the time or asking for tap water to saying I love you too often, here are 13 ways to make your German friends (or strangers) feel awkward.
Germany is a complex country made of 16 different states with lots of regional differences, especially when it comes to culture and values.
So, of course it’s hard to generalise. But there are still several ways guaranteed to make many Germans feel awkward.
Here are a few that tend to make people in Germany feel at best uncomfortable – and at worse annoyed. If you can think of any others, let us know.
Making small talk
Germans are not unfriendly; far from it. But try having a bit of light-hearted banter with a supermarket worker or restaurant server in Germany, or attempt to ask a stranger how their day is going, and they will look at you like you’re from another planet.
Small talk is just not Germany’s strong point. As we discussed in a recent Local article, there is no exact translation of "small talk" from English to German. One of the translations – oberflächliche Konversation, means superficial conversation and signals how this concept is viewed here: a bit meaningless.
READ ALSO : Are Germans really rude or just avoiding politeness overload?
Small talk is more often used in Germany as a way to get to know someone better, rather than a colloquial concept.
So if you start a polite little chat with someone in Germany, they’re likely to think a) that you really like them and want to start or progress a friendship with them, b) that you’re speaking for the sake of it and are probably a bit daft or c) that you’re being insincere.
Apologising all the time
“Sorry, I’ll move for you” “Sorry, is that okay?” “Sorry, can I help you” “Sorry, can I get past you?” “Sorry, can I sit here?”
Sound familiar? For some nationalities (especially the Brits and Americans), sorry is NOT the hardest word, it is one of our most-used words. And, sorry to break the news, but Germans don’t understand this.
If Germans are really sorry about something, they will say “Es tut mir Leid” but it would have to be quite serious to use this expression. “Entshuldigung” is the equivalent of “excuse me” or a less serious sorry, with many Germans just using the English word “sorry”.
But while some countries have made apologising an everyday part of culture, this just isn’t the case in Germany. Germans will use their sorries much more sparingly. You won’t hear it often in customer service situations, for example.
Don't expect to hear much apologising in busy transport situations. Photo: Depositphotos/Iamway
It’s not even super common in awkward public situations.
If a German person, lets say, bumps into you on the U-Bahn they might not even apologise because they view it as nobody’s fault. – it’s just a busy train, what do you expect?
It would also be really weird if you apologised to a German before doing something you’re perfectly entitled to do, like take a seat next to them on the bus.
What’s the lesson? The Germans are seriously perplexed by this excessive politeness. Maybe some of us need to say sorry less? We're still working on it.
READ ALSO: How dropping the small talk helped me make friends with Germans
Talking loudly
Some visitors to Germany – or those that have made Deutschland their home – may get some deathly stares when they take a pew at the pub or in a restaurant and begin to talk to their friends.
Why? Well, because often the volume on our voices is set to full blast, even if we don’t realise it.
As a Scot I know from personal experience that when I’m with other British people, native Germans get annoyed as our conversation gets progressively louder (especially if there are a few beers involved).
Germans on the whole opt to use quieter tones in public for their private conversations. So if you’re from a country where you regularly talk as if you’re giving a presentation to a huge group without a microphone, then just be aware that it could get on the locals’ nerves.
Eating at your desk
It’s not really the done thing in German workplaces to stuff a badly-made sandwich and packet of crisps into your mouth while you’re typing away on your computer at your desk.
Lots of Germans prefer to go to their canteen. Photo: DPA
In many workplaces, you’ll be encouraged to at the very least eat your lunch in the canteen or anywhere away from your desk, if not take a full hour's break.
It’s traditional in Germany to eat a large hot meal at lunch time (which is usually taken between 12noon and 2pm) and workplace canteens often reflect that with their excellent choices (I’m looking at you Käsespätzle – cheesy pasta – or potatoes and quark).
In fact, the use of the greeting “Mahlzeit!” (mealtime) reflects this part of German culture. You might find a German colleague say that to you just as your leave your desk to go and fill your stomach, although in some parts of Germany it’s used as a greeting all day long.
Things are changing in Germany and you may find more people do eat at their desk but it’s still a bit frowned upon.
Basically lunch is taken seriously, and who are we to argue with that?
Having a huge meal really late at night
On the topic of meals, it’s not really the done thing to opt for the Mediterranean way of life and eat a meal late at night.
I mean, people do it of course, especially in the cities where there is a more diverse population and lots of different restaurants.
But the traditional way in Germany was always to have a cold meal in the evening because you’ve already had your main meal of the day at lunchtime. Abendbrot (which translates literally to evening bread) often consists of, yep you guessed it, bread as well as cold cuts of meat, cheese and salad.
Using Sie and du forms incorrectly
The German language has many challenges but this one is down to the context of the conversation and that makes it quite tricky to grasp.
For example, starting a new job in a German workplace is a minefield. In many parts of Germany would be extremely frowned upon if you waltzed in and used the “du” form with your boss and colleagues before they offered you that option.
READ ALSO: To du or not to du: How to crack one of Germany's most tricky etiquette dilemmas
But if someone is younger than you or in a less senior position then they’re meant to use the polite “Sie” form with you. The fact is there are no solid rules, you just have to judge the situation and trust your gut instinct. To save yourself from making a faux pas it’s probably best to stick to “Sie” with strangers.
But if you used the “Sie” polite form in an edgy cafe, people might screw up their face at you.
As a foreigner, Germans are usually nice and won’t judge too much if you get it wrong or make a mistake but it doesn’t stop you feeling a bit silly.
Trying to split bills
In Germany the norm (at least in groups rather than families) is to pay for your own food getrennt or separately. What that usually results in is a complicated set of sums between the guests and the server as everyone tries to work out what they owe down to the last penny.
Germans usually split the bill. Photo: Depositphotos/Elnur
And usually you tip in Germany by rounding up the total due, and you tell the server how much you want to pay, rather than leaving money on the table as you are leaving.
On that note remember that if you invite someone out to eat then you are expected to cough up for it because einladen (to invite) in German carries the meaning that you will pay.
So when a German says they want to invite you for coffee, they mean they will pay for it.
Asking for tap water in a restaurant
If you really want to make a German feel uncomfortable, ask for tap water (Leitungswasser) in a restaurant. It is guaranteed to make them squirm.
In lots of German restaurants getting tap water isn't even an option and it is normally seen as rude to ask for it, although things are starting to change slowly regarding this issue, especially in big cities.
READ ALSO: Five things to know about tap water in Germany
Generally, though, there's not the same culture of drinking tap water in Germany that there is in some other countries.
Not taking your shoes off at someone's home
It's polite in Germany to ask your host if they would like you to take your shoes off when you visit their home.
In some cases, German hosts will offer their guests slippers to wear while they are inside their house which is rather sweet, really.
Turning up fashionably late
Okay, it is a stereotype that Germans are really punctual but we've found that being on time is an important part of the culture here.
If you get an invitation to someone's house – especially for a meal – it is best to arrive on time, or as close to on time as you can manage. There really is no such thing being fashionably late in Germany.
Also be aware that in a business context, being on time often means arriving 10 or 15 minutes early.
READ ALSO: Seven German habits that foreigners really struggle to cope with
Being vague
Germans really like details. Here's an example: if you ask a German person how big their flat is they wouldn't just explain how many bedrooms it has. They'd be able to tell you the exact size in square metres.
If you want to impress Germans, memorize numbers and be exact when you're explaining things.
Oversharing
If you really want to freak a German colleague or an acquaintance out then just let rip on everything with no boundaries. Tell them about what you had for breakfast, how much you earn, who you support politically, and, I mean, why not if you're on a roll, when you had your last poo.
These are details you might share with your best friend but Germans take a slower approach to friendship, preferring to build it up over time.
When you're getting to know Germans you have to be patient. But remember: once they trust and like you, you'll likely have a friend for life. Although it's still perhaps best to keep your toilet habits to yourself for the most part.
Saying I love you
Just a casual "I love you" written on the sand in Mecklenburg Western-Pomerania. Photo: DPA
Germans find it a little strange how often some people say "I love you". Those three words should be reserved for very special occasions and when you really mean it, many people in Germany believe.
Even using the word "love" to describe things (eg: "I love your lipstick!") is a bit much when you can use the more measured word "like".
Love is not to be thrown away at the end of a phone call or on your next door neighbour's cute dog.
Perhaps it's down to the fact that Germans do like to take their time getting to know people, and might then want to take a little longer to say the L word in a relationship, or out loud at all.
Often you'll find Germans prefer to use the phrase "Ich hab' dich lieb" (I really, really like you) because "I love you" just carries a bit too much weight.
But it's always better out than in. So Germans: we really do truly love you and we don't care how awkward that makes you feel.
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Germany is a complex country made of 16 different states with lots of regional differences, especially when it comes to culture and values.
So, of course it’s hard to generalise. But there are still several ways guaranteed to make many Germans feel awkward.
Here are a few that tend to make people in Germany feel at best uncomfortable – and at worse annoyed. If you can think of any others, let us know.
Making small talk
Germans are not unfriendly; far from it. But try having a bit of light-hearted banter with a supermarket worker or restaurant server in Germany, or attempt to ask a stranger how their day is going, and they will look at you like you’re from another planet.
Small talk is just not Germany’s strong point. As we discussed in a recent Local article, there is no exact translation of "small talk" from English to German. One of the translations – oberflächliche Konversation, means superficial conversation and signals how this concept is viewed here: a bit meaningless.
READ ALSO : Are Germans really rude or just avoiding politeness overload?
Small talk is more often used in Germany as a way to get to know someone better, rather than a colloquial concept.
So if you start a polite little chat with someone in Germany, they’re likely to think a) that you really like them and want to start or progress a friendship with them, b) that you’re speaking for the sake of it and are probably a bit daft or c) that you’re being insincere.
Apologising all the time
“Sorry, I’ll move for you” “Sorry, is that okay?” “Sorry, can I help you” “Sorry, can I get past you?” “Sorry, can I sit here?”
Sound familiar? For some nationalities (especially the Brits and Americans), sorry is NOT the hardest word, it is one of our most-used words. And, sorry to break the news, but Germans don’t understand this.
If Germans are really sorry about something, they will say “Es tut mir Leid” but it would have to be quite serious to use this expression. “Entshuldigung” is the equivalent of “excuse me” or a less serious sorry, with many Germans just using the English word “sorry”.
But while some countries have made apologising an everyday part of culture, this just isn’t the case in Germany. Germans will use their sorries much more sparingly. You won’t hear it often in customer service situations, for example.
Don't expect to hear much apologising in busy transport situations. Photo: Depositphotos/Iamway
It’s not even super common in awkward public situations.
If a German person, lets say, bumps into you on the U-Bahn they might not even apologise because they view it as nobody’s fault. – it’s just a busy train, what do you expect?
It would also be really weird if you apologised to a German before doing something you’re perfectly entitled to do, like take a seat next to them on the bus.
What’s the lesson? The Germans are seriously perplexed by this excessive politeness. Maybe some of us need to say sorry less? We're still working on it.
READ ALSO: How dropping the small talk helped me make friends with Germans
Talking loudly
Some visitors to Germany – or those that have made Deutschland their home – may get some deathly stares when they take a pew at the pub or in a restaurant and begin to talk to their friends.
Why? Well, because often the volume on our voices is set to full blast, even if we don’t realise it.
As a Scot I know from personal experience that when I’m with other British people, native Germans get annoyed as our conversation gets progressively louder (especially if there are a few beers involved).
Germans on the whole opt to use quieter tones in public for their private conversations. So if you’re from a country where you regularly talk as if you’re giving a presentation to a huge group without a microphone, then just be aware that it could get on the locals’ nerves.
Eating at your desk
It’s not really the done thing in German workplaces to stuff a badly-made sandwich and packet of crisps into your mouth while you’re typing away on your computer at your desk.
Lots of Germans prefer to go to their canteen. Photo: DPA
In many workplaces, you’ll be encouraged to at the very least eat your lunch in the canteen or anywhere away from your desk, if not take a full hour's break.
It’s traditional in Germany to eat a large hot meal at lunch time (which is usually taken between 12noon and 2pm) and workplace canteens often reflect that with their excellent choices (I’m looking at you Käsespätzle – cheesy pasta – or potatoes and quark).
In fact, the use of the greeting “Mahlzeit!” (mealtime) reflects this part of German culture. You might find a German colleague say that to you just as your leave your desk to go and fill your stomach, although in some parts of Germany it’s used as a greeting all day long.
Things are changing in Germany and you may find more people do eat at their desk but it’s still a bit frowned upon.
Basically lunch is taken seriously, and who are we to argue with that?
Having a huge meal really late at night
On the topic of meals, it’s not really the done thing to opt for the Mediterranean way of life and eat a meal late at night.
I mean, people do it of course, especially in the cities where there is a more diverse population and lots of different restaurants.
But the traditional way in Germany was always to have a cold meal in the evening because you’ve already had your main meal of the day at lunchtime. Abendbrot (which translates literally to evening bread) often consists of, yep you guessed it, bread as well as cold cuts of meat, cheese and salad.
Using Sie and du forms incorrectly
The German language has many challenges but this one is down to the context of the conversation and that makes it quite tricky to grasp.
For example, starting a new job in a German workplace is a minefield. In many parts of Germany would be extremely frowned upon if you waltzed in and used the “du” form with your boss and colleagues before they offered you that option.
READ ALSO: To du or not to du: How to crack one of Germany's most tricky etiquette dilemmas
But if someone is younger than you or in a less senior position then they’re meant to use the polite “Sie” form with you. The fact is there are no solid rules, you just have to judge the situation and trust your gut instinct. To save yourself from making a faux pas it’s probably best to stick to “Sie” with strangers.
But if you used the “Sie” polite form in an edgy cafe, people might screw up their face at you.
As a foreigner, Germans are usually nice and won’t judge too much if you get it wrong or make a mistake but it doesn’t stop you feeling a bit silly.
Trying to split bills
In Germany the norm (at least in groups rather than families) is to pay for your own food getrennt or separately. What that usually results in is a complicated set of sums between the guests and the server as everyone tries to work out what they owe down to the last penny.
Germans usually split the bill. Photo: Depositphotos/Elnur
And usually you tip in Germany by rounding up the total due, and you tell the server how much you want to pay, rather than leaving money on the table as you are leaving.
On that note remember that if you invite someone out to eat then you are expected to cough up for it because einladen (to invite) in German carries the meaning that you will pay.
So when a German says they want to invite you for coffee, they mean they will pay for it.
Asking for tap water in a restaurant
If you really want to make a German feel uncomfortable, ask for tap water (Leitungswasser) in a restaurant. It is guaranteed to make them squirm.
In lots of German restaurants getting tap water isn't even an option and it is normally seen as rude to ask for it, although things are starting to change slowly regarding this issue, especially in big cities.
READ ALSO: Five things to know about tap water in Germany
Generally, though, there's not the same culture of drinking tap water in Germany that there is in some other countries.
Not taking your shoes off at someone's home
It's polite in Germany to ask your host if they would like you to take your shoes off when you visit their home.
In some cases, German hosts will offer their guests slippers to wear while they are inside their house which is rather sweet, really.
Turning up fashionably late
Okay, it is a stereotype that Germans are really punctual but we've found that being on time is an important part of the culture here.
If you get an invitation to someone's house – especially for a meal – it is best to arrive on time, or as close to on time as you can manage. There really is no such thing being fashionably late in Germany.
Also be aware that in a business context, being on time often means arriving 10 or 15 minutes early.
READ ALSO: Seven German habits that foreigners really struggle to cope with
Being vague
Germans really like details. Here's an example: if you ask a German person how big their flat is they wouldn't just explain how many bedrooms it has. They'd be able to tell you the exact size in square metres.
If you want to impress Germans, memorize numbers and be exact when you're explaining things.
Oversharing
If you really want to freak a German colleague or an acquaintance out then just let rip on everything with no boundaries. Tell them about what you had for breakfast, how much you earn, who you support politically, and, I mean, why not if you're on a roll, when you had your last poo.
These are details you might share with your best friend but Germans take a slower approach to friendship, preferring to build it up over time.
When you're getting to know Germans you have to be patient. But remember: once they trust and like you, you'll likely have a friend for life. Although it's still perhaps best to keep your toilet habits to yourself for the most part.
Saying I love you
Just a casual "I love you" written on the sand in Mecklenburg Western-Pomerania. Photo: DPA
Germans find it a little strange how often some people say "I love you". Those three words should be reserved for very special occasions and when you really mean it, many people in Germany believe.
Even using the word "love" to describe things (eg: "I love your lipstick!") is a bit much when you can use the more measured word "like".
Love is not to be thrown away at the end of a phone call or on your next door neighbour's cute dog.
Perhaps it's down to the fact that Germans do like to take their time getting to know people, and might then want to take a little longer to say the L word in a relationship, or out loud at all.
Often you'll find Germans prefer to use the phrase "Ich hab' dich lieb" (I really, really like you) because "I love you" just carries a bit too much weight.
But it's always better out than in. So Germans: we really do truly love you and we don't care how awkward that makes you feel.
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